Sharknado

sharknadotitleIan Zierling as Fin Shepard
Tara Reid as April Wexler
Aubrey Peeples as Claudia Shepard
Cassie Scerbo as Nova  Clarke
Chuck Hittinger as Matt Shepard

Remember when Sharknado was trending on Twitter? This made-for-TV horror flick got some people who watched it to tweet about it. Of course, I can remember weekend reruns of The Goonies trending one day, so this doesn’t necessarily have any sense to it. I say this only because despite the cult following, despite the sequel and video game it has since gotten, Sharknado totally sucks!

I know that horror movies are the kind you can hold to too high a standard. Simple plotting, suspect acting, and overrated production values are the hallmarks of this genre. I am not saying that I hate horror. I like it. I’m just throwing facts at you. But this movie can’t come near even that bar.

sharknado1

This movie did the same thing to me.

As far as the plot goes, I can’t complain too much about the concept. Complaints about execution will follow shortly. But it’s not really fair to nitpick the story of storms/floods watering out Los Angeles and sending sharks at everybody. I can’t even protest the ripping off of Jaws. It had been almost forty years; the statute of limitations had expired.

The acting… there’s where things really go wrong. Nobody has their heart into their performance. There’s a scene early on in which somebody’s leg is badly cut and he only manages half-hearted expressions of pain. I mean, it doesn’t get easier than that. I have done more than eighty movie reviews before this one. Only three of them — Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Red Zone Cuba, and Manos, the Hands of Fate had worse performances than this. No lie!

sharknado2

Would CNN have sued over the phrase “breaking news?”

While the concept works fine, the attempts at character interactions don’t work. They attempt to incorporate familial dysfunction between father and daughter into this, but it seems forced. While it’s hard for it work with these actors, there’s no excuse for these issues to all of a sudden get resolved just because the script calls for them to be.

And then there’s the horror… and I use the term loosely. Very loosely in fact. Nothing about this movie is scary. Supposedly, they use black humor like some movies like Nightmare on Elm Street. I only suspected until I saw confirmation online because nothing really made me laugh. The jokes are lame and obvious. I add that although horror is a genre that kills good guys left and right there is a non-death scene in which I not only saw the survival of the characters surrounding it a mile away, but how they would survive as well! Never a good sign.

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If you’re not satisfied by our flying fish, they will eat you for no extra charge!

What more can I say about Sharknado except that it fails at everything it sets out to do. It fails at horror, fails at monsters, fails at character interactions, and especially fails at humor. Other than that, a damn good movie! Looking forward to the sequels.

Overall: 1 out of 10

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